The Truth About Cremation

Introduction: Cremation Isn’t Just a Trend—It’s a Decision Filled With Emotion

When families sit across from me in the arrangement room, one of the first questions I ask is: “Have you thought about burial or cremation?”

Today, more families than ever are choosing cremation—sometimes out of practicality, sometimes for personal or spiritual reasons, and sometimes because they simply don’t know where to begin.

But cremation is often surrounded by confusion, misconceptions, and even fear.

People whisper their questions rather than ask them out loud:

• Is the process respectful?

• Do I get the right cremains back?

• Is cremation cheaper?

• Does it limit memorial options?

As a funeral director and embalmer, I have walked thousands of families through this exact conversation. And the truth is this: Cremation is just one method of disposition—but the emotional meaning behind it is deeply personal.

Whether you’ve already chosen cremation or you’re still exploring options, this blog post will give you clarity, comfort, and the truth you deserve.

1. What Cremation Actually Is—and Isn’t

Cremation is one step in the final disposition process, not the whole service. It simply transforms the physical remains into cremated remains (commonly called “cremains”) through the use of heat.

But here’s what many people don’t realize: Cremation is not a replacement for a funeral.

You can still have:

• A traditional viewing

• A funeral service

• A celebration of life

• A graveside ceremony

• Religious rituals

• Family gatherings

Cremation only determines what happens after these moments—not whether they can happen.

I’ve seen families assume cremation means “no service,” and later regret missing the opportunity to gather. On the other hand, some families create the most heartfelt memorials imaginable after the cremation.

There is no right or wrong way. There is only what brings you peace.

2. A Real Story: The Family Who Didn’t Want a Funeral—Until They Did

Several years ago, a family told me they wanted “the simplest cremation possible, no viewing, no service.” They felt overwhelmed, numb, and unsure how to face the emotional weight of planning anything more.

But when their mother arrived at our funeral home, the daughter took one look at her and said:

“I didn’t think I needed to see her… but I do.”

We arranged a brief, private viewing—no flowers, no music, no formal service. Just a quiet room, a final moment, and the chance to say what they needed to say.

Afterward, the daughter hugged me tightly and whispered, “Thank you. I didn’t know this was what I needed.”

Cremation didn’t take away their chance for a goodbye. It simply gave them the flexibility to choose the moment that felt right.

3. How Cremation Works: A Step-by-Step Guide

Families often feel uncomfortable asking what actually happens during cremation, but understanding the process brings reassurance.

Here is the truth, written with clarity and respect:

Step 1: Authorization

Cremation cannot—and will not—happen without legal permission from the next of kin. This protects families and ensures transparency.

Step 2: Identification

Before anything occurs, we verify identity repeatedly. A metal tracking disc accompanies your loved one throughout the entire process. This disc is heatproof, and the ID number appears on all paperwork.

Step 3: Preparation

Depending on the chosen services, your loved one may be:

• Bathed

• Dressed

• Cosmetized

• Placed in a cremation container or casket

If the family opts for a viewing, embalming is typically recommended.

Step 4: The Cremation Chamber

Your loved one is placed in a cremation chamber called a retort. Temperatures reach 1,400–1,800°F. The process takes 2–3 hours.

Step 5: Cooling and Processing

After cremation, cremains cool, then are processed into a fine, consistent texture.

Step 6: Return to the Family

Cremated remains are placed in:

• A temporary urn, or

• A permanent urn of the family’s choice

The metal ID disc returns with them, always.

4. One of the Biggest Myths: “Are They Really My Loved One’s Ashes?”

I hear this whispered question more often than you’d think. And I understand why—it’s a vulnerable, emotional concern.

Here is the truth:

There are strict protocols to ensure you receive your loved one and only your loved one.

Every crematory follows a chain-of-custody system, including:

• Identification bands

• Tracking numbers

• Logbooks

• Metal ID tags

• Barcode systems (in many modern facilities)

• Locked storage areas

• Independent verification at multiple stages

In nearly 20 years, I have never once seen a mix-up at any reputable funeral home or crematory. The systems are robust, regulated, and designed to uphold dignity.

If you’re ever unsure, ask your funeral director to explain their tracking process. A good funeral home welcomes the question.

5. Does Cremation Limit Your Options? Absolutely Not.

Cremation is one of the most flexible choices families can make. You get more options—not fewer.

You may choose:

• A traditional funeral before cremation

• A memorial service after

• A delayed celebration of life months later

• A small private gathering

• A religious ritual

• A scattering ceremony

• Burial in a cemetery or columbarium

• Keeping the urn at home

• Dividing cremated remains among family

• Creating keepsake jewelry or art

• Planting a memorial tree

Cremation opens doors. It doesn’t close them.

6. Why More People Are Choosing Cremation

Cremation is now the most common form of disposition in the United States. Why?

1. Flexibility

Families today are more mobile. Cremation allows time to plan, travel, and gather.

2. Financial considerations

While cremation can be more affordable, it isn’t “cheap.” Cremation still involves professional services, legal requirements, and care.

3. Personal beliefs

Many people simply feel drawn to the idea of returning to nature or avoiding burial.

4. Space and environmental concerns

Some choose cremation because it feels less resource-intensive. Regardless of the reason, the choice is personal—not right or wrong.

7. A Story About Cremation and Healing

A family once shared with me that their father wanted his cremains scattered in the lake where he taught them to fish as children. After the cremation, they planned a small ceremony.

When the day came, they each took turns sharing memories—funny ones, quiet ones, painful ones. They placed handwritten notes in the water and watched them drift.

The daughter later returned and said, “It felt so peaceful. We honored him exactly the way he wanted. I know it would have brought him so much joy.”

Cremation allowed them to personalize their goodbye. It became a ritual rooted in meaning.

8. Cremation Does Not Mean You Cannot Have a Viewing

This is one of the most misunderstood aspects. So many families think viewing requires burial. It doesn’t.

If you want to see your loved one:

• Before the cremation

• During a private goodbye

• As part of a full funeral

That option is always available.

As an embalmer, I’ve prepared many individuals for visitation prior to cremation. For families, that final opportunity for closure is priceless.

Even a simple, quiet identification viewing—just for a few minutes—can offer comfort. And no embalming is required.

9. Addressing the Fear: “What if my loved one isn’t actually…gone?”

This is a tender, human fear that many people hesitate to say aloud.

Before cremation occurs, multiple checks confirm:

• Legal pronouncement of death

• Waiting periods established by state law

• Authorization paperwork

• Medical examiner approval (if required)

• Verification by licensed professionals

Cremation cannot occur unless every safeguard has been completed.

Your loved one is treated with respect throughout the entire process—from preparation to final return.

10. Scattering Cremated Remains: What Families Should Know

Scattering can be a powerful ritual, but many people don’t realize there are rules.

Legal considerations

• Scattering on private property requires permission.

• Some public parks allow scattering but have restrictions.

• National parks often require permits.

• Scattering at sea must follow EPA guidelines.

But scattering doesn’t have to be dramatic to be meaningful.

I’ve seen families sprinkle just a few cremains in:

• A garden

• A backyard

• A favorite hiking trail

• The base of a newly planted tree

Sometimes it’s the quietest gestures that carry the deepest emotion.

11. What About Keeping Cremains at Home?

This is more common than people think.

Some families create a small memorial space with:

• Candles

• Photos

• Personal items

• A favorite blanket or trinket

Others divide the cremains into keepsake urns or jewelry. Some keep them until they feel ready to scatter or bury them later.

There is no expiration date on decisions. You may take as much time as you need.

12. Environmentally Friendly Cremation Options

Families concerned about sustainability often ask about alternatives.

Green cremation (alkaline hydrolysis)

A water-based process that uses less energy and produces fewer emissions. It’s legal in many—but not all—states.

Green burial after cremation

Urns made from:

• Biodegradable materials

• Salt

• Paper

• Sand

• Tree pods

Cremation doesn’t exclude eco-friendly choices.

13. The Emotional Side of Cremation No One Talks About

Cremation can stir up complicated feelings, such as:

• Guilt (“Should I have chosen traditional burial?”)

• Anxiety (“Is this what they really wanted?”)

• Fear (“Will this change how I remember them?”)

• Sadness (“I wish I had more time before the cremation.”)

These emotions are normal.

Behind every cremation is a life, a relationship, and a story that mattered deeply. There is no “easy” option when your heart is breaking. Cremation doesn’t take away the love or the grief. It simply changes the form of your goodbye.

14. How to Know If Cremation Is the Right Choice

Here are questions families often find helpful:

• Did your loved one express preferences?

• Do you want more time to plan a lasting tribute?

• Is mobility or travel a factor for your family?

• Do you prefer flexibility for memorialization?

• Are financial considerations part of the decision?

• Are environmental beliefs influencing your choice?

There is no wrong reason to choose cremation. Only the reason that fits your values and your heart.

15. Closing Thoughts: Cremation Is a Path—Not a Limitation

Cremation offers:

• Flexibility

• Personalization

• Space to breathe

• Time to plan

• Opportunity to create a unique tribute

It does not remove love, ritual, or meaning. It does not diminish the life lived. It does not take away your right to say goodbye.

The truth about cremation is simple: It is as sacred, as emotional, and as deeply human as any other form of final disposition.

Your choices, your memories, and your grief deserve to be honored—whatever path you take.